Life can be very funny sometimes. Just the other day, I advised my friends not to stand outside at night on the roads of Lagos, Nigeria for too long while they waited for their Uber simply because they might be mistaken for prostitutes. I actually knew this from personal experience. My country Nigeria is very different from England and other Western countries because we are talking about a place where literally no one minds their business. So basically, I have noticed so much prejudice and double standards already that I can’t even cover them all. There are double standards in the workplace, at school, at home and well.. pretty much everywhere. One thing I realised is that it’s not just about being male or female, it’s more about respect and an individual can be disrespected for various reasons, for instance when people think you are young so you deserve to be spoken to or treated in a rude manner, or even because you haven’t gotten married yet.But for the purposes of this article, I have decided to focus on something a bit less deep I would say.
I am going to delve into the topic of double standards in relationships. Now women have cried for years and years about how they wish to be treated as equals in relationships but the truth is I don’t think a lot of women actually really want this in reality.. most especially when it comes to things like finances and heavy labour. Like I said previously I think the most important factor really is respect. I mean there is an obvious sense of superiority men feel as the ‘head of the family’ and all that jazz which obviously gives their egos such a huge boost.
When I think about the silly yet insightful advice that my male friend gave me some time ago, it made me realise that perhaps females do not have it that hard after all. He told me, “your mates are out there getting married and you are still here saying you’re young”, and of course the feminist in me immediately replied, “marriage is definitely not a priority for me right now, I need to work first and make money because I don’t need any man trying to control me with his money” and then he says “if you are smart you will make his money your money” I couldn’t help but laugh at that comment.
In all honestly, there is indeed such a thing as ‘feminine privilege’, which can be seen as certain advantages that women enjoy basically because of their gender and looks. For instance going clubbing with some female friends and gaining a free entry or getting in quicker than males in the same position and scenario would. It all depends on your gender and maybe the bouncer was feeling ‘frisky’ that night. What about girls who date guys with connections in their industry on interest in order to have doors of opportunity opened for them? If a guy did this same thing he would be viewed as more of a devious opportunist. Now don’t get me wrong I am not even talking about the females that do ‘sexual favours’ to get money or whatever they want, that is a story for another day. I am talking about the little advantages you get from time to time just because you look good, like getting one extra chicken wing in your food just because the guy at the counter loved your smile and of course if it was a guy in that position it would be a different story.
Ok, guys but let’s be honest, it really is a man’s world (sorry feminists). Males get away with so much and one would think the situation will get better as the year goes by but it’s arguably getting worse. The most obvious example is when it is seen as okay for males to just want sex and be ‘demons’ and of course, sleep with as many girls as they like, but when it comes to females the st[hoe]ry will be different. They want to know her ‘body count’, oh and the famous ‘ hmm she’s easy’ statement is always being chucked about. I mean it’s 2016 so I don’t think a lot of this still applies as much anymore, but you would be surprised.
Anyway, in all honesty, all those things don’t really bother me because what people think in such situations should really be irrelevant, as far as you know that you’re doing whatever it is for the right reasons and you’re being safe of course. However what really bothers me are the decisions that affect the lives of the people around you, for instance, I have heard way too many stories of men who just upped and left their families and no one even batted an eye, but of course, you know a woman cannot even dream of doing that.
Okay fine, men are definitely burdened with the pressure of being ‘bread winners’ and having to financially provide for the family, but I am telling you that we live in a generation where males have little or no shame whatsoever, a number of males are in actual fact, out there looking for rich families to marry into.
So overall I believe that people definitely tend to play up gender roles when it is convenient for them and can you really blame them? The best thing to do is just to take control of your own life, don’t be that girl that wants so go around cooking and cleaning for her man when you know that these favours are not going to be reciprocated, if you go to his house and it’s in an outright mess, it is an option to mind your own business and let him take care of that himself. It is not advisable to go around sharing your personal issues with the masses when you know they are just going to judge you. Most of all be safe and be happy!
Until next time folks, and of course Happy Independence to my blessed country Nigeria.
Photo credits: Jaylove47, very smart brothers and Hollywood reporter.