Photo cred: Julia Austin

Right, so here goes….

4 years after completing secondary education and here I am, still banging on about the infamous myths and legends. The compulsory part of the syllabus nobody wanted to cover or participate in. Now I don’t know if it was because English was never my strong point academically or the fact my imagination was non existent, and I found mythical creatures kinda’ scary. Nevertheless, I often found myself in those boring English lessons, dozing off, my head lodged to one side of the desk, my eyes loosely shut, my mouth pressed together in a bid not to let the slightest bit of dribble find its way out. But the only thing I remember from those 1 hour lessons, is that myths/legends tend to be based on a traditional story explaining a natural or social phenomena typically involving supernatural beings. Now, our subjects, males (as I am a female), I wouldn’t directly refer to them as supernatural fictional figures although at times it appears as though they possess some supernatural qualities, however its time to address this question and this very popular social phenomenon that surrounds us undergraduates.

I’ve been given the somewhat impossible task of identifying whether you can actually find your life partner in further education or if its just a fictional fantasy that we all desperately want to happen. Now let me just put this out there, I am in no position to pass any judgement to people who believe this statement or people that are firmly against it. I am in no relationship/situationship, anything, I am currently just doing me. However, I cant even pretend that this doesn’t go through my mind at times.

Here’s the thing, to me, university can possibly be the best place to find your life partner, the bone of your bone, the flesh of your flesh, your ‘bae’. Why? Well you’re constantly socialising, put in an environment where there’s no essence of time, one week feels like a year, and a year feels like an eternity, you’re free to do what you want, when you want. With this being said, any sort of relation you have with someone of the opposite sex is bound to be amplified, you feel like you know them, you know their mannerisms, their faults, their qualities but can you really say you know someone when you only see them in one environment? That’s where my opposing arguments come. Yes, to me, university is the BEST place to find your husband but its not the only place, and for you, it may not be the RIGHT place. And there’s the difference between myself and probably a lot of you reading this. If you go out in search of something you may not find it, and if you do, it may not be in the way you originally intended to have it, you start making compromises. Your husband may be in your university, but he will probably not be in your university now as your husband, he may not even be a friend at this point or an acquaintance. Its better to let these things be, and let fate do its thing. If you begin to think about something and plan out how you expect it to be and it doesn’t meet your expectations, it means its not for you, its not meant to be and you become disappointed.

My main issue with people going out in search for their husbands in university, or using it as the sole platform for their experience there is that people would rather CONFORM than TRANSFORM.  Taking myself as an example, I would rather transform myself in uni, develop my character, be able to identify myself as a Black-Afro Caribbean woman in a competitive world rather than conform to statistics and society’s demands and settle for less than I deserve. University is the best place to find yourself, find out what you’re really about, what you stand for, and it’s also a good place to get into a relationship, it’s fun, it’s exciting! But the majority of the time, your future husband could be in your university possibly, maybe in your friendship group now *nervously examines males in friendship group*, but at this present moment, he is not for you and wouldn’t fit the role of your potential spouse. I’m a believer that it may not work out for you in university, with the pressure, the preying eyes and the drama but it could work after your education. Many people do end up marrying individuals they’ve crossed paths with in university, fellows they overlooked or at times was unaware of their existence. For example, looking at the pastor of the church I attend in university, who met his now wife at university, my university. I guess this gives me a glimmer of hope to identify some potential candidates for myself. Or my friend who has graduated and still with her lover from her first year of study, at 23 years of age. You see, I’m not yet certain whether this is a myth or clearly for some people, their destiny.

As I eagerly await my wedding invitation for her celebrations, or at least a proposal, I can only identify this as my myth rather than a truth. Can you find your husband in university, or is it a myth? Well, to be quite honest, I don’t actually know but I guess as I journey down further education and future employment, I will soon find out.

For now, what is important is not to MAJOR on the MINOR things and MINOR on the MAJOR things. Finding your life partner shouldn’t really be a priority right now. If you do happen to cross paths and make a go of things, just see it as an added bonus. But its good to remember your reality, could be a myth to someone else, so embrace it and don’t take it for granted.

 

Yours Truly,

 

Praise’Gbemisola x

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