*As a woman*
“Hi, you okay?”
(Replies) “Erm hiya, do I know you or?”
“I’m not too sure how to say this exactly, but I found you through a friend and thought it would be best if I messaged you and it came from me. You see, I’m coming to you as a woman, I’m doing what a good woman would do or what I would want if it was me”
(Replies) “I Can’t lie, I have no clue what you’re on about, wanna elaborate?”
“Well, I’ve been talking to this guy for a couple of weeks now, and I basically just found out you were his girlfriend, so I’m coming to you the way I’d want someone to come to me, as a woman“.
Boy, even as I narrated the events that happened on this day, my entire being is still electrocuted with cold chills, questions, perspiration on my eyebrow, sweaty palms, and utter confusion. I don’t think anyone that has not experienced it can picture or even try to imagine how you would feel if someone came to you ‘as a woman’ or whatever. And in some ways, this post is for us ladies as I explore this aspect of relationships…. Yes, this is the dreaded ‘R’ word that many university students hate, myself even being one of them.
Now, this whole ‘coming to you as a woman’ saga was first introduced to me on Twitter. But what exactly is it to me? Is it a good thing or bad thing? What should it entail? And most importantly for me, is it genuine or just another thing to use to stunt for the TL (timeline). Let me first address this, this has never happened to me and I’m praying it won’t. However, being a woman myself, I can easily identify with this.
How does it all work?
Coming to someone ‘as a woman’ tends to be done by the ‘side chick’ or a friend of the other woman who finds a way to contact the ‘main chick’ or the girlfriend of the guy. A bit confusing, I know but bear with me. In most cases, young guys and even older guys in a relationship could be speaking to, entertaining or cheating with another girl as opposed to being loyal to his girlfriend. Shocking, I know but this trend is very common in our society and especially in our university ACS circles.
My issue with it.
So, my issue isn’t necessarily ‘coming’ to someone ‘as a woman’, it’s more the motive behind it. There’s nothing wrong with making a mistake and trying to do everything to rectify it but my problem is a lot of these ‘coming to you as a woman’ girls aren’t trying to rectify their wrongdoings! Here’s why.. essentially, knowing that the guy has a girlfriend and still entertaining him is wrong, full stop. They then use ‘coming to you as a woman’ to put the girlfriend down, be rude, insensitive and cheeky. The situation is already bad enough! Don’t get me wrong, it takes two to tango but I do not believe it should be the girl
coming to expose the guys wrong-doing. If it is, there should be a level of respect in the way it is handle as if it were you on the other end of the stick.
How should the ‘main chick’ handle it?
Now, I’ve focused on the side chick’s point of view when coming to someone as a woman but what about the actual girlfriend. Should she be receptive or even take the information in? Well, I feel the question has already being answered. Of course, of course, of course you should take it in but I think you should take it with a pinch of salt, a sprinkle of Maggie cubes and a dash of jerk sauce. Why? You have to beware of amplifications, not everyone has good intentions and at the end of the day, you have no knowledge of this individual coming to tell you this information. Their loyalties do not lie with you, but with the guy. So essentially, you need to question why they are even telling you this in the first place.. Is it because the guy realised that he did wrong and wanted to let you know first but the girl ran to find you? Or is it because the girl wants you to know what your man has now got? Nonetheless, acknowledge it, take it in, digest it but don’t dwell on it too long.
Coming to a woman takes M A T U R I T Y and E M P A T H Y. If you lack both of those, firstly don’t get involved with someone that has strings attached to somebody else and secondly, if you do, and are not in a position to be respectful then don’t say anything. The truth always comes out in the end.
*Disclaimer – This is all relative, research has been done and opinions have been taken regarding this topic but it is all mere opinions and not facts*